Down, down, down the old vacant house fell. It hit the ground with a thump, the door creaked no one around but a young girl, a girl named Dorthy. Reluctantly she stepped out of the the house, she tensed feeling as if she was surrounded by a million little eyes. Then in the distance she heard a call, a call of a human. She ran to the noise but was stopped by an old flying woman. The woman told her to fallow the path of the yellow bricks and she will find something great but she must stay on that road.
Mr Furlong -team 100 Norwich
2/22/2014 10:18:15 pm
Thanks- I like the way you have linked the prompt to a known story. Some controlled word choices work well here -'vacant' -'tensed' and the adverb starter 'reluctantly' especially. Perhaps stronger descriptive words could be found to develop 'noise' and 'woman?'
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